What Would Beth Ditto Do?

Last week I ran across some of the recent articles in the UK press about the ascent of Beth Ditto's celebrity in some circles. Seeing as how half of my family lives in Searcy, I was sort of amused as the way the author tries to describe that particular community and mindset to a foreign audience. Some of it relies a little too easily on stereotypes about the South. But considering all the shit I got from other kids when I was growing up about my background, it's great to have another famous celebrity for AR who's known for being smart and talking about issues relating to body image and weight.

I was reminded of this article earlier today because I witnessed one of these saddest, most fucked up examples of self hating at the gym. Ever since yesterday I've had a cold and my boss ended up telling me to go home a little early in order to keep it from spreading throughout our department. My nose is completely stuffed up, so I stopped at the gym to try to open it up in the steam room. When I walked into the locker room, there was a woman sitting on the couch, totally beet red and wrapped from neck to knees in a Hefty garbage bag. Another woman was standing there talking to her and said something to the effect of "You really need to be drinking water." I couldn't not notice that and wondering what was going on. A minute or so later, the other woman departs and the lady in the Hefty bag picks up the phone in the locker room and starts having a very loud conversation. Which included statements like "I'm trying to flush it out of my system" and "I think the laxatives are starting to kick in." Then she gets up and walks back over to the sauna, making this loud statement to nobody in particular about how it's "Hotter than Hades in there." Maybe if I'd been feeling normal and not in congestion/nasal drip Hell, I might've been obnoxious enough to say something to her about how unhealthy that sort of behavior is. But I didn't and just went into the sauna to try and open up my sinuses.  She finally got out of the sauna and left, making some comment to another woman about how "I just need to get that weight back off."

Part of why I probably didn't say anything to her was that my mind was just boggled by that kind of behavior. Sure you hear about people who do crazy things in the name of weight loss, but it's kind of like hearing about furries - I've just read about it on the Internet, never actually encountered it. Plus I don't know how good it would be for somebody like me telling her that there's nothing wrong with her when I probably weigh about 100 pounds less than her. But why would somebody do something like that to themselves? Heat exhaustion and laxatives sounds far more painful to me than doing something like walking or water aerobics. Not to mention self hating in trying to purge something (maybe self loathing) from the core of yourself.

It's probably weighing on my mind lately because even though I'm at a healthy weight, I've been trying to do two things to improve my overall health because of what I've witnessed happen with my Dad. He didn't take care of himself (or place a value on his health) and now he's paying dearly for it. Or even coming to some realizations about my eating habits. When I was really young (like 7-9 years old), I was constantly having adults getting after me for eating too slow and supposedly not eating enough. My mother (who has her own unfortunate host of food and body issues related to bad self esteem) always has a problem with the fact that I don't load up my plate or don't finish everything whenever I have a meal with her.  There were even comments made in the past that I had the eating habits of my paternal grandmother who "looked like a bird."

As part of my wellness benefits this past year (my new company has this really wonderful culture of promoting fitness), I had my resting metabolic rate taken and the results were pretty interesting. If I not doing anything physically taxing, I need below the normal amount of calories for somebody with my frame/height. In other words, the way I was eating as a small child was actually normal for my metabolism. So besides just rethinking some of the bad attitudes that I got passed down to me by my mother and grandmother during that time in my life (such as using food as an emotional balm or hating our body frame of wide hips and generous ass), I've also been rethinking my attitude towards food. It's something to enjoy and to fuel myself, not something to feed deeper needs or to punish myself with. I've also noticed how much my Dad now talks about things like all the back country skiing, hiking, and outdoors activities that he did (especially around Tahoe and in Nevada) when he was younger - now that I live here and also because he's in a wheelchair. I've not a super jock or an outdoors superstar, but I've really changed my attitude about getting out and doing stuff not because I want to compete (which is unrealistic because I am the laziest and most uncompetitive athlete ever), but simply to enjoy being young, healthy, and living in a beautiful place that offers some many activities.  I'd like to lose about 15 pounds in order to cut down on my risk of heart disease, but if it happens it'll be because I realigned my thinking about my body and health, not because I'm going on a diet.

Thinking about all of these issues lately and then seeing somebody who's going through the same thing and reacting to it by wrapping herself up in Hefty bag in order to enhance heat exhaustion - it just made me feel really frustrated and sad.  About the best thing I can think of to help in a situation like that is maybe calling up the management and suggesting that the do a seminar or something about eating disorders.