Saudade

One my favorite words in Portuguese, and probably one of the few words I know in that language is saudade. There's supposedly no literal translation into other languages, but it's supposed to be when one feels longing or nostalgia for something (or someone) that's no longer in reach.  It's rooted in Portugal's seafaring history and its diasporas, such as Brazil or Cabo Verde. Because of loved ones traveling away never to return or being in a remote place with few or no other people around.  Beyond that, it's a good word for the free floating and totally unexpected mood that's been hanging around.  A big part of it probably has to do with an ongoing family medical emergency. Day to day, everybody's fine. But after awhile, it starts to wear down the morale and optimism.

Beyond that, I was looking up something a couple weeks back in my day planner and realized just how many things have happened over the past few months. Besides the whole family/medical thing, I've been to over 4 countries, left my job, got a new job, closed the door on some situations that had run their course, went to two funerals (and missed a third one because I was out of the country), found a new place to live, was horribly sick, had two dear friends leave Reno for greener pastures, reconnected with different people, had to get some scary medical tests, etc. The cumulative effect of all of these events and travel finally hit me. Eventually it'll be fine. But in the meanwhile,  constantly running around, living out of suitcases and boxes, new people/social situations (both in English and in Portuguese) have finally worn me down. Plus if I'm honest with myself, there's just always something about the Summer that where I always end up feeling totally bummed out. Maybe it's just that the rest of the year, you don't have the same expectations that Summer has about being completely carefree.